Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Russell Crowe Wins Over Tights

by SHELL SHERREE

Poor Russell Crowe. What a brouhaha. So he's been wearing his fat pants again. All for his art, of course. After all, he's had back to back roles where a little extra baggage on the front and rear of the carriage added appropriate weight to his performances.

And yet sometime when no-one was looking, he supposedly crossed the line between attracting admiration for going the whole hog, and accusations of eating the whole hog. For breakfast. Every day.

It seems a bit unfair to me. After all, he has a proven track record for plumping up or trimming down depending on the part. Hark back to The Insider {chunky} followed by Gladiator {hunky}. In those days, he was applauded for his ability and willingness to wax and wane.

"Remarkable!" they cried.

"Bravo!" they cheered, and danced in the streets.

"Here's an Academy Award," they shouted, and genuflected before his portion-controlled greatness.

And so he's at it again. What's wrong with that?

Last year, buoyed by the positive reinforcement of his previous successes {and possibly a little fluid retention}, Russell valiantly won his fight to convert muscle to fat. With the help of his old training gang, the Cheeseburger family, and listening non-stop to his own recording of his 1980s song, "I Want To Be Like Marlon Brando," he stacked on a Whopper 63 pounds for Body of Lies {directed by his good mate from his Gladiator days, Sir Ridley Scott, who decided that for Body of Lies, he wanted two all-beef patties for the price of one.}

As luck would have it, this cuddly physique also worked for Russell's role as a veteran reporter in his newly released movie, State of Play, though Brad Pitt was originally cast. Perhaps in this instance, the part was neatly expanded to suit Russell's girth. Ah, the beauty of a script that wears pants with an elasticised waist.

Ironically, Russell's next project was Robin Hood, also for Sir Ridley Scott. Ask your leading man to stack on weight in haste ~ and repent at leisure, Sir Ridley. Given the choice between a Robin Hood who adds notches to his belt and one who can't do up his belt ~ it seems there was no contest. A photo just released from the Robin Hood set proves that Russell, being the consummate professional he is, has firmly buried his fat pants at the back of his closet again.

Better that than buried up the nose of the next reporter to ask him about his weight loss regime.

And the best news of all? Russell's Robin Hood has eschewed the traditional 100 denier tights in favour of duds that are far more rugged and less likely to snag on Sherwood Forest. And I'm all for it. How about you? Surely some things - no matter how thoroughly buffed and toned - are all the more attractive when left to the imagination?

16 comments:

  1. I think that fat or thin, hunky or shlubby, Russell will turn in a good performance. But I wouldn't want to be standing next to him at the craft services table on set, pigging out on Twizzlers and corn chips, while he's trying to stay on course with his diet. He might just throw a ham at me or shoot an arrow through my gut.

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  2. That would be perilous, PCN ~ but I suspect you'd be over at the healthy table getting scrambled eggwhites, so I think you're safe.

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  3. You got me, Shell! I'm an eggs girl. If they have an omelet station, I always order an egg-white omelet with spinach, red peppers, turkey, tomatoes, mushrooms, cilantro, jalapenos and salsa. Then I add some country potatoes then put some Tabasco on everything.

    But I like chips, too, and am not beyond porking out on them, especially if they're kettle-cooked and lime flavored.

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  4. It's OK, PCN, doesn't kettle-cooking combined with citrus negate the transfats? I'm sure I read that somewhere... {hm, perhaps on the back of a chips packet}.

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  5. Oh hee, hee, hee! How delightful. I think our Russ is gorgeous no matter what size he is and we should all be proud of his talent. To my mind he is another Richard Burton with those enthralling vocal chords. BTW, I occasionally wear elasticized pants :) because they are comfortable!

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  6. MmeBenaut, you certainly know a hubba-hubba voice when you hear it... I agree, it's mighty fine!

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  7. Dahling, I have little imagination so I need some things, especially if they are thoroughly buffed and toned, to be shown!
    I do like the look without the tights and I want to know his weight loss regime, because that is an amazing transformation!
    I can never watch A Beautiful Mind again. While I feel it is an amazing movie his performance was so intense it haunted me for days.

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  8. For sure ... I think 'intense' is Russell Crowe's middle name, from cali. The waters may not always be still, but they certainly run deep.

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  9. Wish I could put MY fat pants at the back of the closet - I can't get them in! ;)

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  10. Oh Lynn ~ hee, hee! Though methinks the fair lady doth jest ...

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  11. I see a new career for myself as a last-minute hire for movie roles that require putting on pounds at warp speed. Yup—I can do that! Now the opposite, on the other hand . . . Would love to know how he does it, but I'm sure there are personal trainers involved, if not the little green-and-white pills we loved so back in the '70s.

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  12. Alexa, I suspect you're correct re: the personal trainers. As Russell owns the South Sydney Rabbitohs Rugby League team, I'm guessing there are a few personnel on staff there who would fall over backwards to be able to give him a hand!

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  13. I'd put my hand on Russell anywhere he wants it.

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  14. Hee hee ~ I didn't see that coming, PCN!

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  15. My goodness, how did I miss this post. Too funny. But I must say I just recently got around to seeing 3:10 to Yuma, and Mr. Crowe was looking very yummy.

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  16. Margaret ~ nice one! It seems the general consensus amongst all of us here is that no matter what his weight status, Mr Crowe has charisma!

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