Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Colin with a Farrell: Still No Hope for Firthophiles

by SHELL SHERREE

Like many ladies surfing the web today, I had a brief coronary flutter when I saw a headline, "Colin in Latest Celebrity Breakup".

I had to make myself a consolatory cup of Earl Grey when I clicked {forgive me, I think I Double Clicked} and discovered Colin Firth was not the Colin in question.

It was the other Colin F: Colin Farrell. The naughtier one. The one with two twinkles in his eyes. He, likewise, has a charming accent and is mighty pretty, so there's hope and good cheer for some. But I suspect those damsels could be a generation or two younger than we Firthophiles. While the Party Farrellers are frantically texting and Twittering about the news and downing Cosmos, we Firthophiles would have discreetly High Fived ourselves in the privacy of the bathroom then put on our prettiest dressing gowns, picked up the phone and dialled our mothers ~ or daughters.

The split was announced by Colin Farrell's {now ex} girlfriend Emma Forrest to the American magazine InTouch. She felt that by her calculations, X {his lack of taking her to meet the family} multiplied by Y {his lack of thanking her in his Golden Globes acceptance speech for Best Actor Musical/Comedy, In Bruges} equalled Zero commitment. I hope she doesn't regret it. Surely she was an English major? Really, how good is her maths?

It could be a shame if it's true. The novelist/journalist was credited with being a stabilising influence in his life. {You don't see yachts getting up and thanking their stabilisers at the Annual Boat Show Awards, do you? Clearly being a stabiliser is a thankless role. Perhaps she was a little hasty to dismiss the relationship. And to be fair, Colin showed every drop of his poetic Irish blood with a lyrically humble speech that went on for a while. A giant hook may have been hovering side of stage causing him to have a premature culmination.}

Mind you, I doubt Colin Farrell would ever have a premature culmination or forget to thank his stabiliser. He would have a carefully prepared speech memorised ahead of time, checked for timing against his fob watch and a spare copy folded inside his tux pocket, together with a monogrammed silk 'kerchief and a bottle of smelling salts just in case.

He's such a nice young man!

2 comments:

  1. Phew! I, too, am glad it wasn't Colin Firth doing the breakup. It's funny---I find my celeb crushes much sexier when they're happily married or attached. It shows they're good with women.

    Random question: Do you know any women who aren't Colin Firth fans? What IS it about him that's so sexy? I love what Tina Fey said on an episode of 30 ROCK about how she had to remove all Colin Firth DVDs from her home before an adoption agency inspection just in case his movies are considered porn. Ha! They're better than porn!

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  2. Oh, I saw that episode, PCN. Hilarious!

    No, I haven't found any women who are unmoved by his charms. Perhaps it's that slightly ruffled look he usually has. Not too suave. I don't know for sure but I won't complain!

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