Sunday, April 5, 2009

Dear Miss Mild Manners, writes Mr Q Tarantino of Hollywood


Deer Miss Mild Manners


Have ewe ever bean in a position where you wrote a script at brake-neck speed so the film could be finished in time for the Carn Film Festival and your spell-check didn't work and you assyoumed Some-Godamm-Won out of all the assistance, editors ~ frick, any old basterd ~ wood pick up the misstake befour it made it rite threw to publicity with the wrong spelling and now I'm stuck with looking like I'm illegitimate? Inglourious Basterds. That's the movie title, not me calling them names. But really, what do I pay all these peeps to do all day? Playing with fake blood spatters and pretending their druggie Ninjas or something? Isn't that what I pay actors four? I guess it could have bean worse. I could have scrawled In Glourious Basturds on the cover of the script instead. Any thoughts as to how I can fix this frickin' mess?

Yours
QT


Dear QT

I apologise for being blunt, but frankly, no. The horse has already bolted. The incorrectly spelled writing is on the wall {and very nearly in neon lights}. I would say you're up a creek without a paddle. There's no point crying over spilt milk. And please take this in the spirit with which it is intended, but a bad workman always blames his tools.

One could argue that desperate times call for desperate measures. And perhaps it isn't over until the fat lady sings. {And before those of physical largesse inundate me, this expression merely pays tribute to the excellence of buxom, barrel-lunged opera singers. It is flattery in its highest form.} But in this case, I suggest it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. The current interpretation of your atrocity on the language is that it was a deliberately contrived artifice, some secret for you and you alone to know; dare I say, the uncouth equivalent of a Mona Lisa smile.

Next time, I would caution you to remember, more haste, less speed. Much less speed. And I have a larger bone to pick with you. Unless your movie truly is about illegitimate men, one could argue that including a cuss word in your title, albeit a misspelled one, is far more grave a transgression than incorrect spelling.

But to err is human; to forgive, divine.


Yours with such forgiveness, and wishing you the very best of success ~

MISS MILD MANNERS

7 comments:

  1. MMM: do you suppose it is a play on words combininig bastards with terds? Or perhaps he thought that was the French spelling? Fo shizzle he be hanging with Snoop Dogg! Peace out!

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  2. Dear from cali

    I had to research the word 'terds' as it is not a word with which I'm familiar. I see that it is an alternate urban spelling for 'turds', also not previously in my vocabulary and I must say I wish it were still so. Now I understand Mr QT's own reference to an alternate title, In Glourious Basturds, and will send him further private correspondence, as clearly he is in dire need of my remedial care. I shall extend the same offer to his friend, in case Mr Dogg also has a 'terd/turd' problem.

    Sincerely yours ~
    Miss Mild Manners

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  3. MMM: Damn! I should have known you could spell turd and would not fall for that!!!

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  4. Dear from cali,

    One could say I didn't come down in the last shower.

    Fondly yours ~
    Miss Mild Manners

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  5. LOL! Or fall off the turnip truck!

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  6. Hysterical. So glad to have discovered your bloog. I mean blag. I mean blog.

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  7. Miss Mild MannersApril 7, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    Dear Margaret

    Thank you! Clearly you have excellent manners and fine taste. Coming from such a wonderfully accomplished writer and bloggeure as yourself, I consider your visit a lovely compliment and I shall pass on your well wishes to Shell Sherree.

    My warm regards ~
    Miss Mild Manners

    ReplyDelete

Merci, grazie, thank you for joining our conversation lounge. Your smile lights up the room. Even more beautifully than our crystal chandelier. x

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