Saturday, January 17, 2009

Aircraft Safety 101

by SHELL SHERREE

Johnny Knoxville, star of 'Jackass', was detained last Thursday morning at LA International Airport for allegedly having a grenade in his luggage. Oops. There was no real threat, though, aside from the fellow passengers on his Miami flight succumbing to salted-peanut-induced sodium overload while waiting. During this delay, authorities ascertained that it was not a working grenade at all. No firing pin. No explosives.

If you are as concerned as I was that Quality Assurance is a thing of the past, don't worry. It was never intended to be a real live serious blow-your-Jackass off grenade! It was just a prop, which Johnny alleged was put there by a wardrobe girl after a shoot. (A turkey shoot?) He graciously apologised for the ruckAss and said he should have checked his bag himself, thereby deftly planting the blame in the wardrobe girl's carry-on luggage.

It led me to thinking, though: (Credit where it's due, I'd never have thought Johnny Knoxville would be brain food.)

Which souvenir movie props would be best left at home when travelling?

Here's my list so far.

  1. Gwyneth Paltrow's prosthetic head in a box ('Se7en') Kiss your connecting flight goodbye;
  2. Humphrey Bogart's bottle of gin ('Casablanca') Far exceeds the 100mL carry-on fluids limit;
  3. Michael J Fox's DeLorean DMC12 car ('Back to the Future') Tough on excess baggage, not to mention the 1.21 gigawatt Flux Capacitor playing havoc with the navigational instruments;
  4. The birds (Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds') Though one could argue they'd be less hazardous inside the plane than out in front of the engines;
  5. Carmen Miranda's fruit salad headdress ('The Gang's All Here') Head straight to Quarantine, do not pass Go.
Of course, there are many movie props that would be invaluable to have on the plane with you, like Audrey Hepburn's iconic black sunnies from 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' when you've mistakenly tried to hydrate yourself for the last three hours with white wine instead of water.

Make the most of that loophole, though. It's only a matter of time before they ban sunglasses in the aircraft cabin lest you snap off their arms and desperately try to cut your sweet and sour aircraft dinner chicken with them instead of the airline-supplied spork. Can't have that, can we.

2 comments:

  1. LOVE your work, Shell Sherree! x BD

    ReplyDelete
  2. {blush} Why, thank you, Anonymous BD! {I might give you that book after all ...}

    ReplyDelete

Merci, grazie, thank you for joining our conversation lounge. Your smile lights up the room. Even more beautifully than our crystal chandelier. x

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